Yet Again I’m Not Pregnant

Monday morning I woke up with a terrible migraine and eventually had to try to go downstairs to the bathroom. As soon as I stood up I knew it was a bad idea as everywhere started spinning and I felt really ill and weak, but nature called very loudly so I had no choice but to make the trek downstairs to the bathroom (this is one of the drawbacks of living in a dorma bungalow).

I got down the stairs, then through the living room and through the kitchen ok, but as I went to put the light on in the bathroom things took a turn for the worst and I collapsed on the hall floor (wooden floor at that), in doing so I managed to knock the bookshelf which had been left in the hall ready to take to the charity shop and woke hubby up with a start (he was in the spare room as he had been on the late shift and I am a light sleeper). He came running wondering what was going on and found me on the floor trying to get up whilst clutching my head.

He helped me back upstairs (after a bathroom visit of course) and tucked me up in bed. I have never had such a bad migraine in all of my life and had forgotten how crap I feel. I have also not collapsed for quite a few years (at one point in my life it was a regular occurrence due to health problems). We discussed my going to the doctors but both decided to leave it as it was probably just a migraine, so I took a couple of my migraine tablets and duly fell asleep. I woke up early in the afternoon and still felt really ill and went straight back to sleep. Around 3 o’clock I decided I had to get up as hubby had had to go back to work and the dogs needed to be let out to do their business, so I managed to get back downstairs.

This morning I woke up feeling a little better but not much and after telephoning my doctor’s and losing my temper with them came off of the phone without an appointment. The reason was that the only appointment I could get was with the new doctor which I really do not like and have had a few altercations with her and could not face going back see her with her condescending lectures. I was offered an emergency appointment in the morning but it would mean I would have to see her and would have to be there for 11 o’clock which in itself was not a problem but it would mean I would have to wait until they could fit me in which could mean a good couple of hours wait, so I decided to leave it for now in the hope that I will feel better in the morning.

To make matters worse this afternoon I began getting the usual monthly pains and was devastated as I had built my hopes up that I was pregnant. All last night I dreamt about having a little baby girl, also I was over a week late, and on top of all that I have lost 10% of my weight which usually means that it helps getting pregnant. I cried and cried and that made my migraine even worse.

Why does it never rain but pour down with hail stones on me. At the moment I am feeling really down and have lost all hope of ever feeling well and ever getting pregnant.

Why is life so cruel!!!

I am finding it difficult to find a reason to carry on and can’t help but wonder whether anything is ever going to change for the better for me.

As I sit here writing this my head is pounding and I have really bad period pains (if you are a woman you will fully understand how painful they can be when you are a week late) and wish I had a big bar of chocolate to eat.

Looks like I will have to make do with another couple of painkillers (at least they don’t contain any calories so will be better for my diet).

I will try to get round to posting again over the next couple of days once I have gotten over this hurdle again. You would think after ten years of trying for a baby I would have got used to the failure every month, but I haven’t. 😥


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