Knitting, Spinning, IVF and Golfing

I have finally gotten round to sewing up Panel 5 from “The Art of Knitting” and it is looking as good as the other 4. I mentioned to hubby earlier that I hate sewing the squares up and he asked me why I was knitting the squares then!! My answer was that it was free yarn and could not really give any other answer. I have been thinking about it and I think the answer is that I enjoy knitting the squares using all the different techniques and stitch patterns and don’t even mind steaming the squares, it is just the sewing up of the squares which I hate. It is not just the sewing of the squares I hate sewing up my knitted pieces for garments as well. I am so slow at it and am never happy with the results so try and avoid it as much as possible. Below is Panel 5.

panel5

My new spinning book arrived this morning. It is one of the wonderful “Teach Yourself Visually” series and is called “Handspinning”. I haven’t had a chance to go through it thoroughly but from what I have seen it is perfect for me. I have purchased a few books on spinning but none of them go into much detail but this book has loads of pictures and easy step by step guides. I must confess I was advised to buy this book from a few friends but never really took much notice, I know now that I should’ve taken the advice. I will write a full review on it once I have finished the book.

Hubby and I went golfing this afternoon with my father and we had a really good laugh (at ourselves mostly). My game was lousy but my father was quite good, hubby was following me in the rough so can’t really say much about that. One thing I will say is that hubby did what I did to him the other day and that was to hit the ball and nearly knock out my father :)) . We are going for another game tomorrow so will let you know how we get on then.

My IVF induction meeting is on Wednesday evening and I am terrified. Despite all my best efforts I have not succeeded in getting my BMI below 29. Everyone I speak to says it is ridiculous that it is expected as I have lost a lot weight and have gone down in clothes size from a 22 to 12/14, it is just that the inches are disappearing rather then the pounds, but that is not good enough for the free go on the NHS. I don’t know what to do. I am really hoping that it will be a month or so before I get weighed in Liverpool so that I can try and get my weight down a bit more.

The nurse I see at my surgery seems to think that I am toning up and building up muscle which weighs more than fat hence why the weight is not going down but the inches are. My feelings on the meeting range from not wanting to go through to going and burying my head in the sand in the hope that everything will work out alright.

We have been trying for a baby for nearly 11 years (it will be 11 years on the 19th of July) and apart from hubby having a slightly low sperm count there is no reason why I can’t get and stay pregnant. I have had numerous early miscarriages (have not managed to get further than 7 weeks pregnant) and have tried everything ranging from vitamins, aromatherapy, taking smelly herbs, intercourse every other night (that was exhausting), taking Clomid (a fertility pill which makes you produce more than one egg each time you ovulate) and IUI (Inter Uterus Insemination), none of which have worked.

I had really hoped that since I have lost weight it would have helped, but it hasn’t. A big part of me feels like I will never stay pregnant and feel the joy of having a little human being in my tummy and then the joy of holding him/her and seeing his/her little fingers and toes. Many people have suggested Adoption. Whereas I am not totally against it, a big part of me wants to experience pregnancy and I am terrified that I would not be able to bond with an adopted child, especially as the child would probably be 3 years old or older as there is a big shortage of babies being up for adoption.

As for now I suppose I should try and get some sleep, it is getting more and more difficult to fall asleep as Wednesday approaches. I am also getting more and more stressed which is bringing on migraine attacks (a very bad attack yesterday which resulted in my being stuck in bed most of the day).

I am sure Wednesday will go okay and I am worrying over nothing…..

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