Why is it the past always comes back and haunts you???
There is one part of my past I have tried really hard to try and forget about.
When I was 18 I got engaged to a lad I was courting. He was a real mummy’s boy and was very possessive and a control freak. It was not a healthy relationship for me to be in as at times he was violent and played mind games with me. It took me a long time to pluck up the courage to leave him.
There is one time which really sticks in my mind and still affects me to this day. The time I am talking about is one evening when I had arranged to go out with a friend of mine but her father who was supposed to be looking after her children had to go to a darts match so we decided to stay in and watch some tv instead. Around 10.30pm she received a phone call asking her to go and pick her father up from the pub and as I was borrowing her brother’s car whilst he fixed mine (her father was also fixing it for me and for free) I said I would go and pick him up. The pub was around a half hour round trip (she lived in the middle of nowhere) so I set off and picked him up. He was rather worse for wear as they had won the darts match and had been celebrating, so I drove him back home and went in for a quick cuppa before heading off home myself.
My friends father was in his sixties and was really kind and old fashioned so he walked me to my car to make sure I was ok, he helped me with my seatbelt and gave me a peck on the cheek to say thank you for picking him up (his daughter was in fits of laughter in the doorway as he was staggering about) and I drove off.
As I was driving along I noticed a car behind me flashing its lights and beeping its horn, so I tried to ignore it. As I had around a twenty minutes drive to get home as I was getting concerned about the car behind I turned off into a small housing estate and stopped in front of some houses which had streetlights and pretended to be looking in my bag for keys etc thinking the car would drive off.
The next thing I saw was the lad I was engaged to staring at me through the window so I opened the car relieved to see him, this was a big mistake. He had foolishly got into his head that I had been out for the evening with my friends father and was having an affair with him (he had followed me and saw my friends father helping me to the car). I tried to explain that I had stayed in with my friend and watched tv and had only gone to pick my friends father up from the pub as a favour but he would not have it.
He dragged me out of the car and that is when I realised his brother and his friend were the other ones in the car and they then decided I deserved a beating for being (according to them) unfaithful. They would not listen to me and continued kicking me whilst I was curled up in a ball on the floor. At the earliest opportunity I managed to get up and dash to the car and drove off at high speed back to my friends house.
Once I got there I beeped the horn until my friends father came out and then went straight into the house with him. I explained to my friend and her father what had happened and at that moment we heard a car pull up outside. My friends father went outside and confronted them and at that point someone phoned the police as a police car turned up.
Once I explained to the policeman what had happened I had thought things would be okay, but the policeman implied that I had deserved what I had got if I was unfaithful, to which I just sat stunned. The only good thing was that the police car followed the three lunatics home so that I could drive home myself safely.
I was totally distraught by the time I got home, but managed to clean myself up and covered the bruises up the next day with make-up (I had gotten the knack of covering bruises up really well). This event had made me decide that I had to get out of the relationship as soon as I could as I could not live with it any longer and I was frightened for my life. I soon realised how lucky I was to have been alive.
All the time I was with him he continually told me that if he couldn’t have me no-one would. I was terrified of being out on my own in the evening and too this day I do not like driving the same route I had that night, especially in the evening.
Once I had plucked up the courage to leave him things took a turn for the worse as he began stalking me. My father tried to speak to him but it did not make any difference, and after what had happened with the police I knew I couldn’t rely on them to do anything to help me.
Around 6 months after leaving him, I decided to leave home and moved into a flat on my own in the hope that he would not know where I lived. He soon found me and broke into my car and stole all of my cassettes from it. He would follow me everywhere I went. At one point I had to have a male friend of mine to come in the car with me if I was going out alone as I was terrified of what he would do. During this period of my life I was on anti-depressants and on a few occassions I took more tablets than I was supposed to in the hope that I would not wake up in the morning as I could not face my life anymore.
Finally, I had had enough and I knew the only way he would leave me alone was if I arranged for some male friends of mine to have a word with him. This appeared to work as I did not see much of him after that (to this day I still don’t know what they said/did to make him leave me alone).
To this day I get paranoid if a car appears to be following me. If I am out in the evening on my own I ensure my car doors are locked and my hubby knows where I am and around what time I will be back.
A few years ago I saw him down the road from where I live and I totally freaked out, for many months I was terrified in case it all started again.
I have grown up and lot since all this happened and I try and be strong and show to people that I won’t take any hassle but there is still a small part of me that is scared, especially now.
The reason I have had to relive all of this is that I have gotten into a situation where I am going to be seeing his brother’s best friend a few times a week. I am not sure whether this friend knows what went on all those years ago but I am terrified of him telling my ex where I am and what I am doing. I have ensured that not many people know where I live and my mobile and house telephone numbers are ex-directory and only very close friends and family know them. This friend has had access to my mobile number all week and I am really hoping that he doesn’t pass it on.
I have done my best to keep my life secret from my ex and I am really hoping that he has set his obssessions onto his wife (he got married a couple of years ago).
The funny part of all of this, is that his brother is now a policeman, I would bet everything I own that they don’t know what a psycho he and his family are.
For now, all I can do is be extra vigilant in my safety and who are around me as although it is nearly 15 years ago since I left him I still don’t trust him. Here’s hoping that he has forgotten all about me!!!