Is Life Really Worth Living???

At the moment everything seems to be going wrong for me.

My IVF consultation is on the 28th of August and I have 9 days to lose 5lbs in weight. No matter what I do it does not appear to be coming off.

At the moment I am surviving on a bowl of cereal for breakfast and some meat for my tea and that is it. Last night I splurged and had some grapes which I sorely regretted as I have had an upset tummy since Saturday and can’t keep anything in, it was so bad on Saturday night I had to take a bowl to the bathroom with me as I was vomitting and had the runs 😳

Things have not really gotten any better, today I have not managed to keep anything in and am feeling so unwell and weak that I did not have the energy to comb my hair properly.

Knowing things were getting me down you would have thought I would have left my laptop alone seeing that it has been acting up since the middle of last week. But oh no, not me, I decided to sort it out once and for all today.

I decided to play it safe and backed all my files and photos and knitting patterns etc onto the D: drive so that whatever happened to the C: they would be safe and I would still have them.

After three attempts to trying to restore my laptop back to the manufacturer’s settings etc I decided the only thing I could do was to format the C:.

Before we had the laptops hubby and I used to build and programme desktop pc’s, so I felt quite comfortable setting off to format the C:. What I did not know was that the formatting programme I decided to use (had not used it before) decided to format all of the hard drive which included my precious D: with all my files and folders.

I did not realise this until I had successfully restored my laptop and decided to check on the D: to ensure everything was safe. I was distraught, 8 years worth of photos had gone along with over 200 knitting patterns which I had bought and downloaded off the internet over the past couple of years. You would think I would have printed all the photos out and printed the patterns out, but oh no not me, I had saved them on the D: until I had time to put them on a cd/dvd to keep safe.

I have spent the past two hours trying various programmes to try and get my files back, but with no success 😥

At this moment in time I am wondering whether my life is worth living, hubby has told me to “stop stressing, they are only pictures”, but to me they were everything.

I know it is all my own fault and I was stupid not to have saved them onto a cd/dvd but I honestly thought they would have been safe as usually when I just format the C: it is just the C: drive which gets formatted.

All I want to do right now is go to sleep and not wake up until my life is going to be ok. I really feel like I have hit rock bottom and do not know whether I will be able to climb out of this big black hole which I seem to be at the bottom of.

The past few days I have felt like I could not continue with this diet for the IVF and had managed to resign myself that it is only 9 days more and after the past year of dieting hard, surely I had the strength for the next nine days. But, with losing all my files and pictures it feels like it is definitely the last straw and that things are never going to look up.

Why is life so unfair, I am tired, hungry and have got a banging headache after crying for the past few hours.

Here’s hoping the next nine days go quick and I manage to lose the 5lbs in time.


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