Possibility of Failure!!!

Right, I have just come back from the bathroom and noticed some dark brown blood when I wiped (sorry for too much detail).

I am totally freaked out and don’t know what to do, my mind is racing and I can’t wake hubby up as he is fast asleep in the spare room as he has to be up at 5am for work so have no-one to talk to.

I am hoping that this could be implantation bleeding but a big part of me knows that the ICSI has failed and I am not pregnant.

I know I should still stay positive as it may be a miracle and I am pregnant but I can’t. I have spent all day crying as I have been worrying so much about testing on Monday.

Could this bleeding be implantation bleeding, I know brown blood is old blood so that is something but I am dreading going to the bathroom again in case there is more and it is red blood.

I don’t know what I will do if I’m not pregnant, I am terrified that my depression will come back really bad and I won’t get through it this time.

I wish someone would make all of this better and tell me what to do. I haven’t really slept for three days as everytime I close my eyes I see a little baby in a moses basket looking up at me and my mind just keeps on racing. I want a baby so badly and don’t think I can cope with yet another failure after 11 years to failures.

My stomach is all shaky and I feel like being sick and am really panicking, I don’t believe that this is happening, how can it be happening, I have done everything I possibly can to make this work. I have done absolutely nothing for 9 days (since egg transfer) apart from sit on the couch watching tv and knitting. I haven’t even been outside.

Could someone please make this better and tell me what to do.


2 thoughts on “Possibility of Failure!!!

  1. Ugh, no magic words of wisdom but just wanted you to know that I’m reading and hoping for you! I’ve been in your position and know that feeling. Not for 11 years but long enough. It worked out for me and I hope it works out for you too!


  2. Darling heart, I feel some of this pain you endure, for today I was told that the blood pregnancy test came negative. Negative after our first ICSI. ARGHH! Lets live strong and with souls soaring hight, we will make it. Fellow Sad One xx


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