Friday is D Day

The saying “Infertility is like being on a rollercoaster” is definitely true, especially the two week wait.

After going through infertility for nearly 12 years, numerous cycles of Clomid and IUI and now my second cycle of ICSI I feel I have the experience to totally agree with the saying.

So far this cycle of ICSI has been quite straight forward, no real illnesses, not many side effects from the medication, even the egg retrieval went straight forward (the anaesthetic was plain sailing, no vomitting and severe pain this time round).

Up until the egg retrieval it looked like we would have approx 20 follicles (10 on each side), but we were told that there were only 4 eggs. This was very worrying as last time we had 5 eggs and this time round I was on a higher dosage of Menopur. We weren’t told whether these eggs were mature so I did not sleep that evening and was really glad when the embryologist telephoned me early on Friday morning.

She had good news, out of the 4 eggs, 3 were mature and 2 had fertilized, which was better than last cycle as then we only had 1 which fertilized. The embryo transfer was arranged for the next morning, so we quickly arranged to stay in the hotel in Heswall, repacked the bag and set off.

After a lovely meal we went back to the room and relaxed and had a reasonably early night. As I was still really nervous and worried in case the 2 embryos did not make it through the night I did not get much sleep. This was worsened as there appeared to be a stag do in the hotel and from 12:30am through till 4am lads were running around, shouting and slamming doors, oh and don’t forget the cheering!!!!

When we were checking out we mentioned this to the receptionist and as the hotel had a policy of refunding you if you do not get a good night’s sleep we got our money back.

So once we had breakfast we set off to the hospital. After waiting around for around half an hour we were called through to the transfer room and spoke to the embryologist. The 2 embryos had made it through the night and we had one 4 cell embryo and one 8 cell embryo. We were really surprised about the 8 cell embryo as last time it was a day 3 transfer and it was only 8 cells then and this time it was a day 2 transfer.

The embryo transfer went really well, no pain and we tool a couple of pictures of our little embryos which I nicknamed “Tinker and Bell” (Tinkerbell).

embie 2009

embies 2009

I am now just over halfway through my two week wait and up until Friday was feeling reasonably positive as everything had gone so straight forward. For some reason since Friday night I have been having problems staying positive.

I keep getting pains in my right ovary and in my cervix. I don’t know whether these are good or bad signs and I am beginning to panic. This week is going to feel like a year and I can’t wait until Friday so that I can test to see whether this has worked.

I really hope it has as I don’t know what I will do if it doesn’t. I have bonded with these little embryos and speak to them on and off all day long urging them to hang in there and snuggle up for 9 months. I love these little embryos and to me they are my little babies all ready, I want both of them to make it and I would be the proudest mother of twins on earth.

I don’t want to lose anymore babies and say positive affirmations to myself whenever I feel negative.

I deserve to be a mother.
I will be a good mother.
My babies are safe in my womb.
My babies are going to keep growing in my womb.
I am going to have a positive pregnancy test on Friday.

I keep trying to envision a positive pregnancy test but everytime I get a picture of the digital pregnancy test in my head it say “not pregnant”, so I really need to work on this to make it say “pregnant”.

If you pray then please pray for me that my little babies will stay with me as I desperately want them to keep growing.

I will update you again once I have tested on Friday….

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