Black Sheep of the Family

Why is it that in some families one of the children will always be the “black sheep” whether they deserve it or not???

The past couple month has been a nightmare. Firstly there was the “death threat” answer machine message, then there was someone targetting my Etsy shop and leaving me not very nice messaages and then there was someone actually targetting me via this blog (again leaving nasty comments). All in all I had to work out whether I still wanted to continue with my Etsy shop and this blog. You will be glad to hear that I decided to continue and to not let the nasty people out there get there way.

Once all of this was dealt with I ended up being the black sheep of my family (yet again). I have had to put some thought in how I was going to blog about this as my family didn’t want me to mention it on my blog, SO…..I have decided to blog about it indirectly.

Most of you will know that I have been trying for a baby since 1997 and have gone through numerous cycles of IUI, Clomid, BBT, various natural pills and potions and finally the 2 cycles of ICSI and of course not forgetting the ten miscarriages.

All of this has left me having to avoid pregnant women and very young babies. I say HAVING TO as it is the only way I have learnt that I can stay reasonably sane and not end up a blubbering wreck in the middle of the supermarket.

I find seeing pregnant women and young babies very upsetting, SO, when I see them I turn around quickly and walk the other way and generally due my best to avoid them. This works for me and after speaking to various other infertile women on Fertility Friends I have realised that it is not just me that has this as their coping strategy..

What has this got to do with your being the “black sheep of the family” I hear you say!!! Well…something has happened in my family which means I am going to be coming into contact with a young baby and this set my depression off in a drastic way…I basically had a small emotional breakdown…I tried to explain to my family how I cope with seeing babies and pregnant women and how I was not sure how I was going to cope with it…My honesty therefore labelled me as being stupid, uncaring, and basically being awkward.

I have hardly spoken to my family since which has upset me drastically as I now feel like the only way I am going to be able to continue on an even keel (emotionally) is to stay clear and keep my distance as they clearly do not understand “infertility”. They have stated that they are aware how much I want a child and should simply “adopt” (as if this is the answer). I was also told that I had not had ten miscarriages and they were just late periods (nearly two months late in a couple of instances).

The conversation I had which all of this came out was over a fortnight ago and it is still affecting me as my depression has struck severely and I now feel alone (apart from hubby who was very understanding)and that my family obviously do not understand how devastating infertility can be.

No matter what happens in my family it is “always” my fault, it has been like this since I was a child, it is always me being awkward, or spiteful, no matter what the situation is.

As the situation now stands I feel like I need to keep my distance from my family, at least until I can get my depression dealt with as I don’t have the physical or mental strength to cope with anymore arguments.

I know that I am going to have to come to terms with having to see babies etc and I can’t spend the rest of my life hiding from them, but at the moment it is something I just can’t do and I really need to concentrate on keeping myself sane and building my mental and physical strength back up…

All of this stress has had a detrimental effect on my health, for the past couple of weeks I have been getting terrible stabbing pains in my left side where my ribs are along with getting shortness of breath. This has been coming and going and I should really go and see my GP but trying to get an appointment is like mining for gold and to be honest I really can’t be bothered telephoning my surgery every morning trying to get an appointment as they don’t have pre-booked appointments anymore apparently and along with everyone else have to phone after 8.30am to get an appointment.

As for now all I can do is concentrate on beating this depression again which is more difficult to do at the moment as yet again I have found out I am not pregnant and have to suffer with severe period pains alongside all the other aches and pains…..


People Who Leave Comments

The past couple of weeks I have noticed peopl leaving me not very nice comments and I always feel that “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it”. I wish some people would think in this way when leaving comments.

The latest comment was from someone who basically disagreed with my having IVF (see previous post). In my temper I went and replied to the comment and then proceeded to their website and left a nasty comment in their guestbook.

The website was . The person who left the comment also left an email address as pigs@poo.com.

It now transpires that the owner of the website now denies leaving the comment, so I apologise to them and I have no objection to them deleting the comment I left.

As I have no way of finding out who actually left the comment as they left false information in the contact boxes, I cannot do anything about it except delete the comments.

I disagree with everything which is on the website whose address was left by the commenter but it is their right to believe and publish what they like and believe in (as long as they don’t try pushing it down my throat like Jehovah Witnesses in my area).

People can believe in whatever religious beliefs they want to as long as they don’t try pushing it onto me, hence why I am against Jehovah Witnesses so much as they are a nuisance where I live and now I just don’t answer the door to them.

Anyway, I will not go on about this matter again and will be deleting the comment left in a few days (will just let you have a chance to read it first so that you may comment on it if you so wish) and again I apologise to the owner of the website….


Nasty, Evil People

This post is going to be all about the nasty and evil people whom are out there.

Just over a fortnight ago I went to Woolfest up in Cumbria with hubby. We set off on the Friday lunchtime and came back on the Sunday evening. I will post photos in a couple of days, just need to alter the sizes of them as they are too big to post at the moment.

We stayed up in Whitehaven and had a lovely meal on both evenings and had a wonderful time in Woolfest.

Everything had been brilliant, even the heat didn’t bother us too much. The problems began when we got back and I checked the phone calls which we had received since we had been away.

There had only been one and we didn’t recognise the number so went and checked whether they had left a message. They had so I listened to it. At this point I was devastated…..Someone had left a very nasty message saying “you’re going to die in 7 days”…..

I telephoned the number which it had been left by to see whether I recognised the voice, but didn’t so hung up. After speaking to hubby and my father we decided the best thing would be to telephone the police, just in case anything happened.

The police were not really bothered and said someone would come out on the Tuesday afternoon (I telephoned them on the Sunday evening). I said this would alright as I still assumed that it was a hoax call.

Hubby went off to work and I settled in bed to check my emails etc when at 11pm I received a telephone call from my mum informing me they had just been woken up by firemen banging on their front door. Apparently someone had telephoned the fire brigade telling them my parents house was on fire and there was a lot of smoke….There was NO fire…..

My parents told the firemen about my phone message and they said they would contact the police to tell them about the hoax call. I decided it would be best if I telephoned the police again just to be on the safe side as I was home alone and was now beginning to feel scared…

The nice lady from the police said she would send someone to see me straightaway as it was now going to be dealt with as a “death threat”…

Shortly after a very nice policeman turned up and after listening to the phone message and hearing about my parents hoax fire brigade call he got onto the police station on his radio.

For some reason whoever left the phone message for me had not witheld their telephone number, so the police were able to trace who made it. I did not know the gentleman whom the telephone number was registered too, so the policeman said he would go and visit the address and deal with it. He said that he didn’t think he would get an answer as it was a well known drug-user who was well known to the police and was a renowned “walk in burglar” who was constantly in and out of prison…

This did not exactly make me feel any better as most drug-users are very unpredictable so spent all week terrified and totally on edge. Finally on Thursday evening whilst I was out at my stitch’n’bitch the policeman called and told hubby that he had gotten hold of the person whom had made the call and it was kids (apparently) and they had made numerous telephone calls to other people around where I live. They also denied making the telephone call to the fire brigade (it was made from a phone box) so not to worry as they believed the two calls were not linked.

I could not believe it, to me they were definitely linked as my number is ex-directory and it was too much of a coincidence for the two incidents to happen over the same weekend but there was absolutely nothing I could do.

The 7th day which I was supposed to die on was Saturday so I was still terrified up until the end of Saturday. As you can tell I am still alive and nothing happened but I am still being very wary and security conscious (although hubby would say different as somehow I had left the passenger side window of my car open on Sunday afternoon and we only realised this afternoon. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have had really heavy rain every night and the passenger side of my car was pretty flooded, including the back passenger side. Oh well, these things happen :))

On top of all of this the busybody whom left me the comment about reporting me to Interweave Press for selling the “Tilted Duster Cardigan” which I had knitted and then decided to sell as it is too big for me and I don’t like it has reported me to another designer whom I was selling two pairs of socks which I had knitted too big for my small size 3 feet.

The patterns for the socks were free patterns an I honestly did not think anything of selling them as I had taken the time to knit them and had bought the yarn for them, but the designer felt differently and I had not very nice messages on Etsy from her threatening to report me to Etsy and have my shop closed down if I did not remove them.

I replied to her email telling her that it was just one pair of socks from each pattern which was knitted for myself but were too wide for my small feet and I was just selling them to recoup the cost of the yarn, also telling her that I was trying to raise some money to fund my IVF treatment as I had been trying for a baby for over 12 years and had over 10 miscarriages during this time. She was not happy and emailed me back telling me I was still selling them commercially and I had no right in selling them anyway.

This woman is obviously not a christian and had had no problems having children or known anyone having problems having children. I could not believe how nasty and evil some people can be.

I had thought of stating her name and website and finally decided not to as I did not want to give her any free advertising from this post, although she does not sell the patterns which I knitted and does not knit and sell the socks made from the patterns. The only details I am going to give is her Twitter name which is Sulaw and her ravelry name which is Susan. This woman is obviously a hard hearted woman who only cares for herself and God will judge her in his own time for the cruelness which she dealt me…


Copyright on Patterns

This is going to be a short post as I have had one heck of a week (those of you on my Facebook and Ravelry friends will know all about it, for all others I will post about it next week).

The reason I have decided to write a post on Copyright on Patterns is due to the fact that a busybody left me a comment which I duly deleted (as per my right since I own this blog).

This busybody decided that it was their right to intefere in my business and report me to Interweave Press/Knitting Daily as I had knitted the “Tilted Duster” Cardigan and duly put it up for sale in my Etsy store.

I am fully aware of the copyright issues involving knitting patterns and copying them or knitting the garments and then selling them for profit. As far as I am aware it is not illegal to have knitted the garment for yourself, duly finding out it is miles too big or that you don’t actually like the fit and then selling it to recoup the cost of the yarn, as is the case on the “Tilted Duster Cardigan” in my Etsy store.

There are a couple of garments in my Etsy store which were knitted for myself then duly realising that they do not fit correctly after many hours of hard work and I have decided to sell them purely to recoup the cost of the yarn. These garments are only ever knitted once (I only ever knit a pattern once as I get bored very easily) and therefore not sold for profit or knitted to sell. These garments may end up being placed in a charity shop, where they will be selling for profit (even though it will be for a good cause), so are the charity shops breaking the law!!! Perhaps I should just bin the garments!!!!

This busybody obviously thinks I am doing something wrong as they stated they have reported me to Interweave Press/Knitting Daily and I am duly waiting for an email from them to which I will inform them that the garment was initially knitted for myself but as it did not fit I decided to sell it.

What are your thoughts on this, should I simply bin the garments which I have made for myself and after hours and hours of work find they do not fit me correctly, or am I in the right to put them up to sell??

One last final point I would like to make, I have never stated I have designed these garments, I have simply stated that they are hand-knitted by myself and I never knit multiple garments out of one pattern, either for myself or to sell (life is too short to re-knit a garment, hubby’s ribbed jumper is the exception in this and was only re-knitted to prove my love for him). Also as you will tell from the prices I sell my hand-knitted items, they are so cheap as I just want to recoup the cost of the yarn used.