Depression

Those of you who have suffered with Depression will understand how I am feeling and those of you who haven’t are soooooo lucky.

My Depression has been coming and going for the past couple of years, sometimes it doesn’t affect me very much and others (like now) it is really scary and I feel like I am in a big black hole and am never going to be able to climb out of it.

I know why my depression has gotten worse right now (blame the infertility and PMS) but it still doesn’t make it any easier. My GP’s solution is Prozac and I really don’t want to take it as it may hinder my chances at being able to adopt (if it ever comes to it), so it looks like I am going to have to try and cope on my own.

I have begun taking St John’s Wort in a hope that it will help. I am on day 2 of taking them and at the moment I am not seeing any difference. I have also begun taking Evening Primrose Oil to help my PMS, but again am not noticing any difference, but it is probably too soon to tell….

All I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up until I feel better. The thoughts which are racing through my head are pretty scary and since hubby is working nights I am all on my own to cope with them when they are at their worst…

As I am writing this, I am having to stop every now and again as my crying gets pretty bad. I have tried to explain how I feel to hubby but despite his trying to understand the best he can, he has no idea how awful it is, only someone who suffers with Depression truly knows how it feels, and right now it feels really bad……

I made a joke earlier on about feeling as depressed as the weather (it has been pouring down with rain all day and is like a winter’s day). The rain outside is just matching my tears….

Friends have suggested my seeing a counsellor but as I know what my problems are there is no point and my track record with counsellors has not been very positive so I am very hesitant to go down that route….

SOOOOO, Drugs and Counselling are not options, sooo what do you all suggest??????

In the meantime, I guess all I can do is look forward to another day/week/month like today and hope that I begin to feel better soon and these terrible thoughts become good thoughts soon (before it is too late!!!!)

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3 thoughts on “Depression

  1. There is a condition you’ve probably heard of called S.A.D, seasonery affective disorder which causes people who normally wouldn’t feel to depressed to become really depressed during the winter months. I don’t know if this is how you feel, more depressed during winter, but they help this condition with a light box which provides natural light and helps the brain to produce the feel good hormone. They sell them in Maplins. I hope that’s of some help if you feel you can’t use pills or counselling (I’m on both).

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