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Coping with A Miscarriage

The past week I have been reading books on Miscarriages…The first book is a definite must if you have had a Miscarriage whilst going through Infertility…It is entitled “Miscarriage after Infertility…A Woman’s Guide to Coping” and is by “Margaret Comerford Freda/Carrie F Semelsberger”…

The book is only 80 pages long and has 11 Chapters but it is brilliant…It truly does go through all the stages of grief you may go through during or after a miscarriage…I have personally gone through every stage from the “anger” through to the “feeling numb”…It also has little excerpts on how other women have coped and how they felt during this painful time…

The second book is entitled “Miscarriage…Women’s Experiences and Needs” and is by “Christine Moulder”. I am only on Chapter 3 of this book but am loving it…The one thing I have found really helpful with this book is that it has been written in the UK which is really unusual…It explains how the NHS deals with miscarriages and their shortfalls..(and there are a lot)…

This book has 242 pages and every page has a world of knowledge and comfort…It was really interesting to read how other women have coped with miscarriages and how they felt whilst going through it…

I have learnt a few things during my 11 miscarriages….the first is something which bugs me…Whenever I have told family/friends that I have had a miscarriage they change the subject…It is as though they don’t want to acknowlege the loss of a baby…I have yet to have a conversation with family/friends where they have been very supportive or understanding…They simply change the subject and don’t talk about it…

This really bugs me as it makes me feel sooooo alone when I need their comfort and support the most….No matter what stage you have a miscarriage it is still a loss of a baby…I know that it is classed as a embryo/foetus rather than a baby, but to me it is still a baby…From the moment I think I am pregnant I talk to and nurture the little bundle of joy in my tummy (and pray a lot)…

If someone tells you they have had a miscarriage please don’t change the subject…offer your support, a shoulder to cry on…anything which you would normally do if someone is grieving after a death…because that is what they are doing, grieving after the death of their baby, they may not have held the baby, but believe you me to them it is a baby..

Something else I have learnt is that with every miscarriage you may react differently…with all of mine I have refused to believe that I have lost the baby and every time the pains/bleeding stop I kid myself that maybe this time the baby is still safe inside of me…I know I am just putting off the inevitable upset but it is as if I can’t let go or rather I don’t want to let go of my baby…

One thing I have found which helps is to buy/make something to remember the baby by…The first baby I lost I bought a gold teddy bear chain…the second time a rose bush…etc etc…This last time I bought a cherry tree and my hubby and I planted it this afternoon in the garden…The most comforting item I have bought is a little teddy bear…when I am feeling really down I curl up in bed and snuggle with it..

I guess what I really want to say in this post is that no matter how early/late your miscarriage is it is a loss…No matter how you deal with it, it is alright…do what makes you feel better as at this time it is important for you to try and come to terms with the loss, no matter how long it takes it is okay to grieve..And most importantly PLEASE if someone tells you they have had a miscarriage treat that person the same as you would if they had lost someone that was born as it is still a death and that person still needs to grieve…just because there is no body it doesn’t make the grief any less real…

If you would like to talk to me about this post then please don’t hesitate in emailing me and I will try and help you as much as I can..I am lucky I have found some wonderful people on Ravelry/Facebook/FertilityFriends that understand what I have gone through and it helps a great deal so please don’t go through this painful/upsetting time alone there are people out there that understand what/how you are feeling…

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Vintage Rally 2010

Last weekend my hubby and I went to the local Vintage Rally Show..

It was a warm day and we had a really good time…My hubby hadn’t been before (apart from once when he was a kid) so we took the camera with us and here are the pics….

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My hubby bought some gardening bits and pieces and I got a new silk knitting bag which is actually big enough for me to fit hubby’s argyle jumper in with all its separate balls of yarn..

I got sunburnt which was a surprise (and am still rather sore from it)…but all in all it was a great day…

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Machine Knitted Lace Shawls

Sorry for going MIA, but the miscarriage I had a week ago hit me really hard…You would have thought that since it was my 11th that I would have coped with it better, but alas I didn’t…

Anyway, I am beginning to feel a bit better so thought I would put up a quick post on machine knitted lace shawls…

Last year my cousin was the proud father of twins, a boy and a girl…as it happened I had a blue lace shawl in my Etsy shop but needed a pink one to go with it…SOOOO…I cast on and after struggling for a few days with dropped stitches, yarn snapping etc etc…I chose a different cone of yarn and cast on again…yet again I had no luck, so I managed to persuade my hubby to do the pushing of the carriages for me and I did the cast off, fringing etc….

I think it came out really pretty….what do you think??

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My cousin loved the shawls so much his mother-in-law requested one for her friend’s baby…..As it was Christmas we agreed that I would make if in the New Year…

Back in February I got round to it (the baby wasn’t due until the beginning of April) and you guessed it, the same thing happened again….the yarn kept snapping, stitches kept dropping…again I asked my hubby to have a go for me and the same thing happened…

This time I didn’t have any other white yarn which was suitable and the cone I was using wasn’t that old…so we decided to change the stitch pattern…After it acting up again I persuaded hubby to have a go…You guessed it, it worked for him…So once it was finished I cast it off, sewed the ends in, sorted out the couple of dropped stitches and fringed it…

I love the stitch pattern used in this shawl….it is much better than the prior shawls I had made and it was so light and airy…a perfect baby shawl..What do you think??

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My cousin’s mother-in-law loved it and I am sooo glad that I have no more machine knitted lace shawls to knit…

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Yet Another Miscarriage!!

This afternoon I suffered my 11th miscarriage in 13 years…I was 7 weeks pregnant and am totally gutted…

I have spent the majority of the day crying and moping about getting lots of cuddle off of my youngest dog..

I had really hoped that this time it would be different…I had all the usual symptoms…the smell of certain foods made me feel sick…I was off certain food…the usual pain I get in my cervix and of course the sore boobs…

I should have known it wouldn’t work out, it never does and I am well and truly beginning to give up on all hope of ever carrying a baby to full term…This has really hit me hard and I don’t know how I am going to get through it all this time…

If anyone has any answers how to get through this please let me know…as it is I have had a couple of books suggested to me to read, so I have ordered them from Amazon Marketplace this evening…

I am still waiting for Liverpool Women’s Hospital to find a replacement Specialist to continue with the UnK Cells Uterine Biopsy tests and we have enough money to pay for one last go at ICSI….

If you would like to help me raise money for my ICSI treatment (all tests I have taken are now private, and they are not cheap) you can either leave a small donation via the Paypal button at the right hand side of this message or have a look at my Etsy store over at

That is about it for now, I will try and post again soon when I feel upto it…xxxx

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Knitting for Babies

Back in March I became an auntie for the fourth time, this means I now have two nephews and two nieces..

My niece was born on the 11th March and is absolutely gorgeous…

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Prior to her being born, I obviously knitted her some yummy outfits…

This first one is a lovely cardigan, hat and bootees outfit which is really modern looking…

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This is my favourite…a cute little teddy bear onesie..It turned out a bit big, but I am sure she will grow into it very soon..

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And finally, this cute cardigan and beret combo is equally as modern…

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