Coping with A Miscarriage

The past week I have been reading books on Miscarriages…The first book is a definite must if you have had a Miscarriage whilst going through Infertility…It is entitled “Miscarriage after Infertility…A Woman’s Guide to Coping” and is by “Margaret Comerford Freda/Carrie F Semelsberger”…

The book is only 80 pages long and has 11 Chapters but it is brilliant…It truly does go through all the stages of grief you may go through during or after a miscarriage…I have personally gone through every stage from the “anger” through to the “feeling numb”…It also has little excerpts on how other women have coped and how they felt during this painful time…

The second book is entitled “Miscarriage…Women’s Experiences and Needs” and is by “Christine Moulder”. I am only on Chapter 3 of this book but am loving it…The one thing I have found really helpful with this book is that it has been written in the UK which is really unusual…It explains how the NHS deals with miscarriages and their shortfalls..(and there are a lot)…

This book has 242 pages and every page has a world of knowledge and comfort…It was really interesting to read how other women have coped with miscarriages and how they felt whilst going through it…

I have learnt a few things during my 11 miscarriages….the first is something which bugs me…Whenever I have told family/friends that I have had a miscarriage they change the subject…It is as though they don’t want to acknowlege the loss of a baby…I have yet to have a conversation with family/friends where they have been very supportive or understanding…They simply change the subject and don’t talk about it…

This really bugs me as it makes me feel sooooo alone when I need their comfort and support the most….No matter what stage you have a miscarriage it is still a loss of a baby…I know that it is classed as a embryo/foetus rather than a baby, but to me it is still a baby…From the moment I think I am pregnant I talk to and nurture the little bundle of joy in my tummy (and pray a lot)…

If someone tells you they have had a miscarriage please don’t change the subject…offer your support, a shoulder to cry on…anything which you would normally do if someone is grieving after a death…because that is what they are doing, grieving after the death of their baby, they may not have held the baby, but believe you me to them it is a baby..

Something else I have learnt is that with every miscarriage you may react differently…with all of mine I have refused to believe that I have lost the baby and every time the pains/bleeding stop I kid myself that maybe this time the baby is still safe inside of me…I know I am just putting off the inevitable upset but it is as if I can’t let go or rather I don’t want to let go of my baby…

One thing I have found which helps is to buy/make something to remember the baby by…The first baby I lost I bought a gold teddy bear chain…the second time a rose bush…etc etc…This last time I bought a cherry tree and my hubby and I planted it this afternoon in the garden…The most comforting item I have bought is a little teddy bear…when I am feeling really down I curl up in bed and snuggle with it..

I guess what I really want to say in this post is that no matter how early/late your miscarriage is it is a loss…No matter how you deal with it, it is alright…do what makes you feel better as at this time it is important for you to try and come to terms with the loss, no matter how long it takes it is okay to grieve..And most importantly PLEASE if someone tells you they have had a miscarriage treat that person the same as you would if they had lost someone that was born as it is still a death and that person still needs to grieve…just because there is no body it doesn’t make the grief any less real…

If you would like to talk to me about this post then please don’t hesitate in emailing me and I will try and help you as much as I can..I am lucky I have found some wonderful people on Ravelry/Facebook/FertilityFriends that understand what I have gone through and it helps a great deal so please don’t go through this painful/upsetting time alone there are people out there that understand what/how you are feeling…

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Coping with A Miscarriage

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t had a miscarriage, but I have gone through several bouts of depression and this year has been particularly full of other kinds of loss. I’ve learned in my depression that denying my pain only prolongs the bad period. Eventually I have to work the sad feelings and the sooner I allow myself to feel the sadness, the sooner I get better, or at least more functional.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s