5

The Loss of a Pet

I’m sorry for being MIA the past couple of months but things have been really difficult for me.

Firstly my heath has been up and down and so has my depression which has made it virtually impossible for me to concentrate on anything, especially writing.

Then my eldest dog “Fred” was diagnosed with Lymphoma (Cancer).  He was 14 years old and had a good life, but the news hit me really hard.

Then I had a suspected miscarriage.  I say suspected as I didn’t get around to doing a pregnancy test as I did not want to jinx it.  I had all of the usual pregnancy symptoms which included various smells making me feel nauseous and of course the morning sickness which lasted all day and not just in the morning.  A fortnight later I had the usual miscarriage bleeding, pains and the passing of a little grey sac (sorry for TMI).

We took Fred to the vets for a biopsy, ultrasounds and blood tests and were told that there was pretty much not a lot that could be done as it was Stage 4 Lymphoma.

Last week I went away on holiday with my parents and my husband to Jersey.  It was to celebrate my dad being 65 and we were the official tour guides and chauffers.  We had a good time despite trying to get over the miscarriage and the news of Fred’s Cancer. 

 

 

My father-in-law was looking after my 3 dogs (including Fred) and we phoned up mid-week to make sure that everything was ok.  We got home on Sunday evening and was very surprised and shocked to see that Fred had deteoriated so much. We had not been told of this when we phoned .  He was hobbling around and had lost soooo much weight and was literally skin and bones.

On Monday morning my husband woke me up and said that Fred had collapsed on his side outside whilst doing his business and we both agreed that it was time to telephone the vets to have him put to sleep as we did not want to see him in anymore pain. 

I telephoned the vets straight away and an appointment was made for 2.40pm, so I telephoned my father to ask him to make a coffin for Fred and my husband went to dig a hole in the garden.  An hour later my father arrived with the coffin and we sat on the patio having a cup of tea.  Fred was lying on the patio behind us and we thought he was just chilling out.

When my father left I went inside to get ready as the vets was a 45 minute drive away.  When I came out to tell my husband that it was time for us to leave I noticed that my youngest dog “Dino” was sitting with Fred on the patio and Fred was making a funny noise.  I assumed that it was because Dino was sitting there so I shooed Dino away.  Fred was still making the noise so I bent down and that is when I noticed that there was a pool of blood underneath Fred’s head and blood was coming out of his nose and mouth.

I called my husband over and showed him and we quickly got in the car and took him to the local vets which was 5 minutes away.  By the time we got him into the vets he had already passed away.  The vet gave him a small injection to make sure that he had gone and gave us a few minutes with him.

The vet was really nice and we said that we would be taking him home to bury him in the garden. 

Once we got home we wrapped him up in his towel and had a little funeral for him.

Fred

The past few days has been really difficult as the other 2 dogs are missing him and keep looking around the house and garden for Fred.  It is really upsetting to see Fred’s brother “Barney” looking for him as they were always asleep together and had been together all of their lives.

At the moment Barney and Dino are being spoilt rotten and they are both very clingy with me and won’t leave my side for too long.  I am sure things will begin to get back to normal a bit more in a couple of weeks, but we will never forget Fred.

RIP Fred
xxx

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2

Coping with A Miscarriage

The past week I have been reading books on Miscarriages…The first book is a definite must if you have had a Miscarriage whilst going through Infertility…It is entitled “Miscarriage after Infertility…A Woman’s Guide to Coping” and is by “Margaret Comerford Freda/Carrie F Semelsberger”…

The book is only 80 pages long and has 11 Chapters but it is brilliant…It truly does go through all the stages of grief you may go through during or after a miscarriage…I have personally gone through every stage from the “anger” through to the “feeling numb”…It also has little excerpts on how other women have coped and how they felt during this painful time…

The second book is entitled “Miscarriage…Women’s Experiences and Needs” and is by “Christine Moulder”. I am only on Chapter 3 of this book but am loving it…The one thing I have found really helpful with this book is that it has been written in the UK which is really unusual…It explains how the NHS deals with miscarriages and their shortfalls..(and there are a lot)…

This book has 242 pages and every page has a world of knowledge and comfort…It was really interesting to read how other women have coped with miscarriages and how they felt whilst going through it…

I have learnt a few things during my 11 miscarriages….the first is something which bugs me…Whenever I have told family/friends that I have had a miscarriage they change the subject…It is as though they don’t want to acknowlege the loss of a baby…I have yet to have a conversation with family/friends where they have been very supportive or understanding…They simply change the subject and don’t talk about it…

This really bugs me as it makes me feel sooooo alone when I need their comfort and support the most….No matter what stage you have a miscarriage it is still a loss of a baby…I know that it is classed as a embryo/foetus rather than a baby, but to me it is still a baby…From the moment I think I am pregnant I talk to and nurture the little bundle of joy in my tummy (and pray a lot)…

If someone tells you they have had a miscarriage please don’t change the subject…offer your support, a shoulder to cry on…anything which you would normally do if someone is grieving after a death…because that is what they are doing, grieving after the death of their baby, they may not have held the baby, but believe you me to them it is a baby..

Something else I have learnt is that with every miscarriage you may react differently…with all of mine I have refused to believe that I have lost the baby and every time the pains/bleeding stop I kid myself that maybe this time the baby is still safe inside of me…I know I am just putting off the inevitable upset but it is as if I can’t let go or rather I don’t want to let go of my baby…

One thing I have found which helps is to buy/make something to remember the baby by…The first baby I lost I bought a gold teddy bear chain…the second time a rose bush…etc etc…This last time I bought a cherry tree and my hubby and I planted it this afternoon in the garden…The most comforting item I have bought is a little teddy bear…when I am feeling really down I curl up in bed and snuggle with it..

I guess what I really want to say in this post is that no matter how early/late your miscarriage is it is a loss…No matter how you deal with it, it is alright…do what makes you feel better as at this time it is important for you to try and come to terms with the loss, no matter how long it takes it is okay to grieve..And most importantly PLEASE if someone tells you they have had a miscarriage treat that person the same as you would if they had lost someone that was born as it is still a death and that person still needs to grieve…just because there is no body it doesn’t make the grief any less real…

If you would like to talk to me about this post then please don’t hesitate in emailing me and I will try and help you as much as I can..I am lucky I have found some wonderful people on Ravelry/Facebook/FertilityFriends that understand what I have gone through and it helps a great deal so please don’t go through this painful/upsetting time alone there are people out there that understand what/how you are feeling…