Oh Why Can’t I Get Pregnant!!

Day 2 of my cycle and the period pains are just as bad as yesterday and I feel just as down and weepy.

Why can’t I get pregnant, it is ridiculous, after ten years I have had numerous miscarriages, but none have gone as far as the second trimester. It’s not fair.

Our diagnosis was low sperm count and irregular cycles, my cycles have more or less regularised themselves now, every 33 days (give or take a day) and I know I’m not pregnant again, and again the whole cycle begins all over. I cry at the thought of not being pregnant, then mixed emotions appear around day 10, perhaps this time it will work, this lasts until around day 27 when I start doubting that it has worked whilst at the same time trying to diagnose every little thing ie does the smell of coffee usually make me feel so sick, do I usually get these funny cravings for corned beef!! then lo and behold day 33 and the sight of blood knocks me back to square one with a huge bang.

I try and discuss it with hubby but he doesn’t really pay any attention anymore, whether it is because I go through the same thing every month and he now knows the script off by heart or he really doesn’t care, I don’t know.

I guess what I really need is for someone to talk to me about it all. The lack of friends and family who care one iota means I only have hubby or the dogs to speak to, or perhaps you will all listen to me, that is if you don’t get bored of the same grumblings every month!!!

As it stands I need some love, hugs and even to be spoilt and to feel special, as at the moment I feel like a pile dog poo which has been trampled over and over again. This morning I woke up at 8.30am with terrible period pains so took some painkillers in the hope that I could actually get up and do something constructive, I read a little of my new golf book “Harvey Penick’s Little Red Golf Book” which was quite interesting and then fell asleep until the sound of the postman at 2:45pm woke me up with a start and I realised I had slept most of the day away. Now I need to take some more painkillers as the period pains are really bad again, but am putting off doing so so that I may actually stay awake to cook tea and perhaps tidy this bedroom up a bit.

Some good news is that I have 2 reviews for 2 PSP games which I treated myself to. The first is “Diner Dash”, it is a great game and is exactly like the PC version except it is easier to navigate the waitress around, I give it 8/10. The general idea of the game is that you have to go round and seat/serve customers rather quickly. As the levels progress you go through different restaurants and it gets more difficult as the time gets less and you have to earn more money. The second game is “Spelling Challenge”, I had never heard of this game but it is generally like the school “Spelling Bee” where you have to spell words etc. I found the game real fun but think I may get bored of it soon as it is very repetitive. As you go up the levels the words get more difficult and again you get less time. The one part of the game which had me running for the dictionary was when you had to decide whether the word was “a verb”, “a noun”, “an adjective” or “other”. I had totally forgotten what verbs, nouns and adjectives were since I have not had to use them in that sense since I was at school 18 years ago. Despite swatting up in the dictionary what they are etc by this morning I have forgotten again, so if I get something out of this game it will be the understanding of verbs etc again. I give this game 6/10. They are both good for both young children and adults alike if you like that sort of game. I personally don’t like the shoot ’em up games as I find them a bit too violent, but each to their own. I have pre-ordered “Gran Turismo” for the PSP for hubby and as soon as it arrives I will do a review on that comparing it to the PS2 version.

As for now I am going to go and get something to eat as I have not eaten since 8 o’clock last night. At least it will be doing my diet some good. The least calories consumed the more weight I will lose hopefully!!!